Finding Peace Through Your Family Lineage
One person can influence their family, one family can influence another, then another, then ten, one hundred, one thousand more, and the whole of humanity will benefit. —Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama
There is a path that leads to inner peace. It is through your family lineage. Humanity’s movement towards peace begins one person at a time, one family at a time. We each desire peace for ourselves, our species, and our planet. Our collective progression towards peace, though, begins with each one of us. It begins with our desire for peace and our willingness to embrace the spirits of our mothers, our fathers and the entirety of our family lineage to gain understanding and compassion.
As human beings we are here to evolve our personal consciousness and contribute to the evolution of our family’s consciousness. Like the Dalai Lama tells us, the steps we take ultimately contribute to the evolution of human consciousness. To arrive at lasting peace requires going beyond talk, analysis, and rehashing family stories. It requires moving into the soul of our family lineage.
To appreciate our place within the soul of our collective family lineage, let’s contemplate for a moment the number of people who have actually contributed to our DNA beyond the great-grandparents that each of us have. It’s humbling to consider the astonishing number of familial forbearers who have walked this path of life before us, living and dying.
The family soul is the continuous stream of consciousness that travels along the maternal and paternal lineages into our family energy field that eventually leads to us. Whether family members are aware of it or not, they are unconsciously directed by the family soul, much like a conductor directing an orchestra. The family soul may also include non-relatives who have had a significant impact on one of our family members — for example, a former wife who may have died or a perpetrator in a violent event that left a family member permanently injured.
Constantly seeking and moving towards a state of balance, reconciliation, and peace over generations, the family soul is present with us at all times. Like the wind, we can feel it, yet its origins are long ago and very far away. When we let ourselves feel our deep, ancestral connection with our family lineage, we awaken to our individual soul’s choice to be part of this family lineage.
Like atoms, all organizing relationships develop rules, norms, beliefs, and taboos that bind the network together. This creates a system, a type of systemic order. Those who adhere belong to the group; those who don’t are excluded. As a member within our family lineage system, we may feel superior, innocent, or most importantly, that we belong. Yet, to another system, bound by a different set of rules, norms, beliefs, and taboos, we may appear guilty, unreasonable, and excessive.
The particle is not separate from the field. The field determines everything. If you wish to understand the movement of the atom you must study and understand the field. — Albert Einstein
The journey towards inner peace is not easy nor is it guaranteed that if we do our work others will change. What is assured though is that if we turn to face our family lineage, look openly at what our ancestors experienced prior to our arrival and connect with our family soul, our perception of our own life experience will begin to shift toward inner peace.
To journey into our mother’s and our father’s respective lineages can be unnerving, to say the least. If we’re lucky, we mature, and a new perspective forms. We gain appreciation for our parents, grandparents, and ancestors who have paved the way for us. If not, we stay stuck in the attitudes of blame and victimhood, which keep us small and fearful, and often lead to defensiveness towards others.
Many people spend whole lifetimes searching unconsciously for the meaning of why things happened in their lives or in their ancestors’ lives. The answers to these questions remain elusive, or at best, rationalized on the mental plane of consciousness, but these answers and narratives do not bring peace within. On one hand, we feel free to do as we wish — to be different from those who have come before us. On the other hand, we are never truly free from the ancestral field in which we were born.
Peace comes when we heal conflict. Resolving conflict begins with healing the unresolved strife each of us carries, often unconsciously. Much of our inner turmoil originates before birth; it begins with our mothers, fathers, grandparents, and passes from one generation to the next. Each of us is the continuation of our respective mothers and fathers, of our respective family lineage, and all that has occurred through and to our ancestors. Many of our internal conflicts were handed to us in the form of unconscious beliefs. To begin a path towards peace, it is helpful to first acknowledge that peace begins in the home, with our self, and with our family lineage.
Every human being has the opportunity to be a peacemaker, a contributor to personal, familial, and societal peace. In this sense, conflicts are the silver lining of our inheritance from our ancestral bloodlines. But if we do not heal the inner unrest with our own family — our mother, father and siblings — we carry it within ourselves and into the world. If we’re in conflict (internal or external) with our mothers, we will eventually find ourselves in friction with women. The same happens with our fathers: if our discontentment is not healed, we will be at odds with men throughout our lives. Moreover, such unresolved conflicts create internal dissonance between the masculine and feminine aspects of ourselves.
The pitched battles within us — sniper attacks on the opposing gender, running feuds with siblings, predictable patterns of gathering and losing resources — originated long before we were born through the actions, agreements and circumstances of our ancestors. In this lifetime, we either pass on these unresolved conflicts or contribute towards everlasting peace. By exploring our parental bloodlines to uncover, understand, and integrate these conflicts, we can move forward with a sense of peace previously unknown to us.
Give yourself a few moments to begin relaxing. Close your eyes and take three long, slow full breaths. Say aloud, “I am (your full name), the daughter/son of (your mother’s full name and your father’s full name).” Sitting still, notice your reactions. Consider repeating these words, noticing how your feelings shift. Try practicing gratitude for the gift of life by saying aloud, “Thank you, mother, thank you, father.” Repeat these three times to deepen your experience.
Adapted with permission from The Constellation Approach; Finding Peace Through Your Family Lineage by Jamy and Peter Faust. Regent Press, 2016.
Jamy Faust, M.A. and Peter Faust, M.Ac, authors of The Constellation Approach; Finding Peace Through Your Family Lineage, are facilitators of Family Constellations and teachers of the Immersion Program in The Constellation Approach™, which begins October 12, 2018. Two spaces still available!