You Matter to Me: The Power of We
We must never become cynical about the uplifting possibilities within each of our souls.
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If we remember those times and places — and there are so many — where people behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.
— Howard Zinn, American historian
You matter to me. Regardless of where you are located or how different we may seem. I care about your well-being and your struggles. The empath in me loves to feel a natural bond with you and the whole of humanity, despite all our shortcomings and weaknesses. Empathy will bring us closer and lets us know that we are not alone.
We must never give up on each other or the world. We must never become cynical about the uplifting possibilities within each of our souls. Though you can’t avoid uncertainty and pain, you can try to keep your heart open and aim for the best possible outcome in a situation.
The genius of empathy is that it points you on a positive, affirming trajectory. You’ll always be asking yourself, “How can I be a better person? How can I love more? How can I heal?” Negative voices, inner and outer, will try to bring you down and make you question whether empathy and kindness are worth fighting for. Be prepared for them.
Stay close to what you care about, even the tiniest or most unlikely things. I care about the sky, the ocean, Earth and her creatures. I care about my health and happiness and spirit. I care about my loved ones and my patients. I care about you. I know that there is enormous darkness and suffering in the world — and I pledge to do what I can to help — but I will only make this darkness a small part of my daily thoughts, only a piece of the picture.
As an empath, I wish that I could conjure all the healing in my heart and cause the pain in your heart to disappear. I want to make everything better for you, for me, and for all people who are oppressed and in pain. But as a physician, I know that healing isn’t about waving a magic wand that just removes our troubles. Rather it comes from accepting our unique path with all its dust and dirt and flowers. Sometimes it’s just being grateful to be alive.
Everyday empathy matters. It lets you stop to help a frustrated stranger gather all the food that tumbled to the floor through the bottom of their torn grocery bag. Empathy lets you cry for the pure sake of releasing your tears from all the tense places where they so cleverly hide in your body. How unfair it must seem to the body, to keep so many emotions and traumas pent up. Have empathy for your own and others’ tears of sorrow and loss. For me, empathy feels like a wise old woman who gently places her hand on mine and comforts me. She has always loved me. I can trust her, and I can trust myself.
Empathy teaches us the power of our own hearts, and also the power of “we.” We who inhabit Earth together. We who eat the same food, drink the same sacred water, and bask in the same sunlight. We who are scattered by the wind to the farthest corners of Earth. Our species is nearly everywhere there is ground and sky. We have vast oceans and continents separating us. Yet we are all family; perhaps not so united — at least not yet. Let empathy help us recognize our unity and our bond with life to finally connect all the missing pieces of the whole.
What many astronauts come to more deeply understand once they see our glorious Earth from space, is that we are one world and always have been. As philosopher Frank White beautifully states, “There are no borders or boundaries on our planet except those we create with our minds…All the ideas that divide us…begin to fade from orbit and the moon.” This realization can help us feel more related.
If we know who we are and can remind each other of this, we remain stronger together. You are an angel. You are a scoundrel. You are a gorgeously imperfect human with a perfect soul. You can know this with empathy. Don’t ever forget its importance and loving power. This is such a simple secret but hidden from many people.
Humans are often difficult to deal with, but we are wild and beautiful, and we can grow fast into our brightness if we allow ourselves to. Take good care of yourself and each other. Try not to make things too complicated. Ultimately, it all really comes down to love.
Though most of us have never met, I feel connected to you. Connection is what fuels life, and empathy lets you find peace. With both, we can make sense of this world together. We can find a better way with empathy. We have the potential to create an exciting and hopeful future. But, for now, take a moment to savor the knowing that you are “enough,” and that all is as it is meant to be. Everything is in perfect place. Let yourself simply enjoy this wonderful feeling.
Excerpted with permission of the author from The Genius of Empathy (Sounds True ©2024) by Judith Orloff, MD.
Judith Orloff, MD is a New York Times bestselling author of The Genius of Empathy: Practical Tools to Heal Yourself, Your Relationships and the World. She has also written The Empath’s Survival Guide and Thriving as an Empath, which offer daily self-care tools for sensitive people. Dr. Orloff specializes in treating highly sensitive people in her private practice and online internationally. Explore more at www.drjudithorloff.com
