One Happy Life
Common sense wisdom to remind and inspire you to enjoy, have fun, and taste the fruits of this precious life.
Photo courtesy Herb Pearce
Have Fun Even While Complaining!
It is easy to feel down, upset, anxious. Despite those feelings you can still enjoy life, have fun experiences, learn, try new things, experiment, laugh and feel like you are a kid. Take on a new interest or hobby. Go to a yoga class, attend a musical or comedic event, take a trip even if local, or go on a nature walk (there are plenty of guided ones related to birds, flowers, or trees), as well as just walking in a park.
Life is a learning experience. Hang around kids who enjoy simple things. Watch a young child discovering walking, eating new foods, or smiling. You do not need to be positive (though why not?) but at least laugh at yourself for being negative!
Try smiling for no reason, sing upbeat songs, be grateful for what is working. Catch yourself complaining, blaming, being sour or pouting, and just laugh out loud or even exaggerate it for effect. It is so easy to stay with un-useful habits. So, the next time you complain, at least enjoy it more and you will have a smile on your face!
Be Patient With New Tasks And Trying New Things
We often do not try new things because of the learning curve. Expect that new attempts might take longer to figure out when you are learning and experimenting. Get help and be patient. You will be glad when you figure it out because the new change will be worth it. Do not expect to be good at something from the get-go. Do not compare yourself to experts who also first went through a big learning curve. They are good at it because they made mistakes.
Be patient and nurture yourself. Take breaks, reward yourself and value the progress you are making. Soon you will be more proficient. Just think of all the things you are good at now that you were not in the past. Most things take work, and some things are easier than others. Affirm things will be better and have a positive attitude but also be realistic. Pat yourself on the back for hanging in there, learning, growing from mistakes and doing the best you can.
Memorial Day
Today is a day to remember those, especially loved ones, who have gone before us. They have taught us valuable lessons, whether positive or negative. Appreciate what you have learned and all the sacrifices others have made. They live on, in another vibration. Today is a day to honor and appreciate and to have compassion and empathy, and value the struggles and joys of life.
Focus on the positive, acknowledge the negative and see what you can do to turn it to something better. Edit your thinking to what attracts the good.
Photo courtesy Herb Pearce
Look On The Sunny Side of Life
Life is expected to experience pain, issues, struggles, problems, and loss. So much growth and satisfaction come from managing and relating well to these difficulties. At the same time, life is so much more enjoyable when you also focus on what is good, what you are enjoying and what is working. We often are blind to the good when we over focus on the mind’s discontent.
The mind loves to chatter on about what someone did, what they did not do right, how others have it luckier. Are you noticing though, how others are trying to help you or the nice weather or the possessions you have or all the great qualities you are born with? Are you appreciative of what you have? Compared to most of the rest of the world you are probably in pretty good shape!
When you focus on the positive you attract more positive. When you focus on the negative, you may attract more of that. Do mind management, say thank you and draw yourself to that which is positive in life. We cannot always change the world but we can do a lot to change our thoughts, attitude, and beliefs. So, walk on the sunny side of the street and even if you like shade, have sunny thoughts move through your mind. Thank the sun too, as without it we would be toast or frozen!
Life Is About Enjoyment And Growth
Life is meant to be enjoyed. If you live in a war zone, life is much more of a challenge. Appreciate a good environment. Attitude, aptitude, good teachers or guides, opportunities, economics, all play a large role. Support others’ enjoyment. Have an attitude of gratitude, be positive and find creative solutions.
Welcome challenges as an opportunity. From hindsight, we often look back and see how we gained from those challenges. Meanwhile, check your belief systems. You do not have to live in emotional pain as repetition of the past. Break cycles of pain or abuse. Much of our pain and craziness responds to historical, cultural, or family patterns beyond our control. Trust your instincts and have the courage to be an individual and speak and live your truth. You can heal from past neglect or abuse.
Keep Plugging Away
I have had a bad cold now for a week and it is much harder for me to live Herb’s tips! It is so much easier to be positive when your body, finances, life basics, relationships, and your mind are working well. My tips are basic to life. It is especially important to put more attention on tips and strategies when things are a challenge.
Fill your mind with helpful thoughts, be grateful for what you have, look forward to hoped-for experiences and realize that what you are experiencing now will change (hopefully for the better). Everyone suffers in their own way, so you are not alone. There are many things that have no answers now. Do the best you can and let go. Hold onto positive memories, be a light for yourself and others, and be grateful for what you are learning, even if it feels not-so-good!
Bring attention to the present moment, plan with flexibility and trust there may be something you cannot see right now that may clarify the mystery.
Photo courtesy Herb Pearce
Look At The Big Picture
Look at the big picture. What feels real this moment might change the next. Enjoy things when they work the way you want, yet be open to things unfolding as they do. Your feelings in this moment can change. Things come and go. Enjoy the flow. Some things feel good, and some feel bad, and what feels bad now may change, and what feels good now, may be an illusion in time.
Enjoy the show and the ever-changing scenery. Let it all be. Find that clear, detached place that is above and beyond it all, a place that is quiet, loving, and free from ups and downs. To cultivate that, meditate, go on nature walks, draw, be creative, allow things to be. Be with the simplicity of what is. Often it is beautiful just the way it is.
Learning From Each Other’s Differences
There is no right way to be. People are the way they are. No one is wrong because they do not fit your wishes. You can request change in another in a clear and respectful way, though likely you will have to reinforce it often. Most people do not change easily. Remember you do not change easily either. You can adapt to their style or you can limit contact in the areas that bother you.
You can also learn from others. Possibly you need to be more assertive, more relaxed, more competitive, or expressive. Appreciate the qualities you like in them. Do not expect everything from one person. The world is not designed to fit every need you have. Gain from relationships with a number of people.
It is certainly easier to be different yourself than try to change another to be different. Sometimes a little tweak in your own behavior can make a world of difference.
Be Your Own Love
it is great to have love from the outside, have affection or physical and material expressions of love. That changes, but the inherent love you are born with never changes! That innocent and precious love is always available and unlimited. It is a well that never goes dry. Look for it within, rather than without.
Love includes all that is, rather than a circumscribed set of conditions that must be adhered to. Love is not a static thing. It is rather a process that unfolds with learning — starts and stops with moments of risk, courage, healing and doubting and a coming back to one’s self. The conditions of love change but love is always here if you remember. Outer conditions can make it harder or easier. Make a list of what you love — people, things, experiences, places, etc., but be sure to include yourself and your strength and courage to constantly face this challenging life. Use your creativity, skill, and blessings to realize the valentine in yourself. Give yourself a gift today. You deserve it.
Photo courtesy Herb Pearce
Managing And Relieving Anxiety
Redirect your mind to what’s working. Focus on best case scenarios. Break things into steps. Put your attention on pleasant body sensation more than fearful thoughts. Close your eyes and follow your breath. Play music. Make a gratitude list in your mind or do a gratitude trade on the phone. Share your feelings and thoughts with another. Get support or helpful ideas. Create positive thoughts. Thank people. Give to others and to yourself, Go on a walk. Stretch. Do art, write, or sing.
Listen To Your Inner Voice
We often listen to others more than we listen to our own inner voice. Pay attention to how you feel, your impressions, your gut instinct. Trust yourself and what feels right to know and do. Do not go along with others in ways that do not make sense. Even if something does not make rational sense, go with what feels right. You might figure out later why it was right.
People are often trying to impress us in ways that are manipulative or untruthful. Listen to the truth below their outer voice and listen to what you want, your next decision and what is calling. Listen for your timing, your guidance, and your next step.
A rule of thumb is that if something is right for you, it feels good, even if there is some accompanying excitement that might mask as anxiety. If something is wrong, it feels bad. Follow your path, not someone else’s. Keep listening.
Be Patient
Often things work out better if you are patient, wait, get information, and realize that it is normal that things do not work out at times. I just tried to pick up a prescription and something did not work with my card. I called my provider and there was an update that the pharmacy did not have, so my provider called, and hopefully it will work when I go by later. Meanwhile I called my provider to get some other information. Life can be a hassle. You are not alone. Technology both speeds up and slows down our process.
If you get impatient, people will not listen and you will spend more time trying to accomplish the task. Interruptions are normal. Listen, learn, and trust that sometimes the slowing down process is beneficial. See what you can do to lower your anger, critical nature and impatient attitude while still being direct, clear, and advocating for yourself. People will appreciate you more if you take the time to get it right the first time.
What are you learning about being more patient and taking the time to get the details right? Bring a book along to read or read something on your smart phone. Have some things to do while you wait — meditate, observe nature, listen to sounds, or sing a song to yourself. Many things take time and there may be more steps than you realize. Listen, be organized, keep track, do the best you can and let go.
Photo courtesy Herb Pearce
Trust That Action Leads To Results
Action does not always produce results but certainly creates more possibilities than non-action. It takes patience, investment, risk taking, experimentation, learning and relearning, some disappointment, a deep commitment, the right support, and trust in the universe. Do not give up. Your commitment to right action is needed as a model for others, to attract similar people and to forward your good mission.
Sometimes we need to act first to learn what we want. If you cannot decide what action to take, you may need more clarity on what you want. Call someone to share your thoughts and feelings, and you might gain a clearer vision and discover possible options.
Maybe you need to learn from another’s experience, gather information first, or do a trial or test run. Maybe write down your ideas and share them with someone. Get the ball rolling and it will lead to the next step. Worry less and act more.
Humility
Arrogance is the opposite of humility. Life is a constant learning experience and it takes openness, mistake making, and humbleness to be human. No one knows everything, and we often do not know what others need. We have different needs. What works for one person does not for another.
Be gracious in receiving feedback, acknowledging learning curves, and asking for help. You get good at something by trial and error, admitting defeat sometimes and relearning. Even when you are an expert you will still be subject to relearning and new processes to challenge you. Challenge is a natural part of life. Be humble, keep it simple and allow things to be as they are, while trying to change things for the good.
Photo courtesy Herb Pearce
Excerpted with permission of the author from One Happy Life: Tips, Short Essays and Photographs to Inspire Peace, Prosperity, Purpose and Presence in Your Daily Life (2024, Herb Pearce). GREAT FATHER’S DAY GIFT! Email Herb directly at herb@herbpearce.com.
Herb Pearce is the author of eight books, a psychotherapist in the Boston area, an Enneagram teacher and nature photographer. His latest book highlights his tips and short essays for living a happy life, as well as beautiful, vivid color nature photographs taken with a simple smart phone. Visit www.herbpearce.com.
