How To Love Yourself Truly And Deeply

Do you believe you deserve to be loved? How do you show love to yourself on a moment-to-moment basis? Read this article with a pen and paper and use it as a mini workshop to explore your own relationship with yourself.

Happiness And Well Being

Learning to enjoy and appreciate the small things in life will bring you peace of mind. Listen to yourself. What refreshes you in the moment? Take the time to recognize what makes you happy in this moment and do a self-inventory of the small things in life that feel good. I like to take walks and look at my neighborhood. I like to listen to really good music with lyrics that touch my heart. I like a hot cup of tea in the morning. I like sitting with my feet up at the end of the day. I love being with my grandchildren and when that isn’t possible, I enjoy their pictures on my smart phone. Everything on my list is simple and easily do-able. Make a list of at least 25 things you like to do, feel, taste, see, hear and smell. Keep the list simple, but make it long.

Living in joy is key to truly, actively loving yourself. When you are happy your sense of well being increases and your capacity for healing and creativity blossoms. Knowing what makes you happy is also knowing what makes you unhappy. As you build your happy list, be aware of the many things you do in your life and how you really feel about those efforts. Choose at least three things from your happy list and do them every day.

Deferring My Joy vs. Being In My Joy

Life places lots of demands on you in the form of work, family and relationship obligations. You also create goals for yourself — goals that may have awesome rewards when you reach them. All of these things are important to you, and when you meet those demands, you should feel happy, even joyful. But on the way to accomplishment, are you happy? Without realizing it, you may be deferring your joy until you meet your goals. Happiness takes place in the present moment, even as you are working towards your goals and trying to meet your demands in life. Did you get enough sleep last night? Are you eating foods that fill your tank with foods that nurture you or are you eating to postpone a much-needed healthy meal? Check in with yourself:  Do I like myself right now as I engage with this person, place, or situation?

How Does My Body Feel?

When you are thinking things through, take a moment and check in with the inner voice that is talking to you. Is it an unconscious version of yourself — the cranky grump or the inner critic who is never pleased trying to run things — or your conscious self speaking up and putting you in charge? Or maybe you hear the gentle, loving inner voice of your higher consciousness giving you the strength and support you need at that moment. Observe your inner conversations through the day and notice the voices change with the different situations you encounter by who is in charge. Check in with your pain and relaxation levels; your body sensations will know and tell you who’s up. At the end of the day review what you thought about and identify who was in charge. Ask yourself: How did this work out?

Conduct A Heart And Soul Session

A foundational skill for your daily life is to know how to create and navigate in and out of an inner place of peace and calm. This is a place where you can surrender the struggles of the day and relax. This inner sanctuary can be a source of inner power — the generator that recharges you and gives you a sense that life is safe and that everything is going to be okay. Create a place within your heart that is joyful, recognizable, and safe with an inner visualization that brings you a sense of peace and calm. You can imagine yourself sitting in your dream house, or on a beach or at a mountain lake. What you choose to put in your inner landscape is often a clue to where your thoughts and emotions are in that moment. Objects may show up that surprise you. Pick a place in your home and a time in your day you can return to and connect with your heart-centered calm. Sit quietly and focus on breathing by asking your mind to be the gatekeeper of calm, relaxed and natural breathing. Imagine your heart center opening up larger and larger to a sense of your own quiet, calm essence of peace. When we’re at peace and feel calm, our brain waves begin to shift to alpha waves, a higher, more creative vibration. Stay in this calm for as long as you can, starting off simple with short sessions and building up length over time.

Lightening Your Load

You will find personal power in feeling your feelings when being your authentic self. People often feel that to get what they need and be heard they have to play a role to draw others in. Our emotions reflect the truth of where we are in life and communicate to us guidance from our soul map. Like energy in motion, emotions can be like flares, alerting us to pay attention, this is important! Emotions speak a language we understand best. Across all cultures, humans recognize and understand emotions, even when there’s a language barrier. Listen to your body and emotions. Check in with yourself to determine if you are enjoying what you are doing, and if you have to do it or want to do it. Overcoming your weaknesses is about listening to yourself and responding lovingly.

The natural inclination of your emotions is to expand into their highest essence until they reach the vibration of consciousness in your heart and soul. Your injured unconscious self may block them from reaching that essence, but once you unblock them, your soul has access to the experience and can complete its destined journey in a healing way. When you repress feelings, you deny your soul the journey it came here in this life to experience.

Expectations, disappointments and betrayals eat at your ability to trust and thrive in your life. Letting go of what happened in the past frees you to heal your heart in the present moment. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are condoning someone else’s actions; forgiveness is the gift of freedom you give to yourself, freeing you from the attachments that keep you stuck in a cycle of pain. Try lightening your load and freeing your heart through forgiveness.

The aftermath of any trauma includes learning to trust yourself and trust your life again. You may find it difficult to learn to trust again if you are harboring anger, fear, resentment or the desire for revenge. When you hold on and don’t forgive the people, places and experiences that hurt you, you are giving your mental and vital energy away by having to constantly justify your actions and pain. You are living in the past without access to joy. Healing and growth can only happen dynamically in the present moment.

Self-love is a constant journey of balancing and then re-balancing your inner world with your outer expression and is the key to healthy self-care.

Nancy Smith is an intuitive Akashic reader and healer who enjoys helping people discover their soul dynamics, identify and release their emotional blocks, and reconnect with their spiritual vitality. She is the author of the award-winning book Divine Love Affair: An Akashic Journey. Contact Nancy at or learn more at