Secrets To Make Love Last



Love is one of the most important things in life; it’s one of our basic human needs. Famed psychiatrist Karl Menninger noted, “Love cures people — both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.” We need love and connection to survive. Having healthy romantic relationships and making love last are two of life’s greatest goals.

But how do couples keep the love and passion alive after many years of marriage? Here are just a few secrets that can help you maintain a happy, healthy love relationship and keep the magic alive.

BE KIND Ellen DeGeneres made “Be kind to one another” a popular idea and practice. It’s always a good idea to be kind to people; remember to be kind to each other too. Do little things that show your partner you care. After all these years my husband still opens the car door for me, and then I reach over and open his door.

SEE THE GOOD AND COMPLIMENT You fell in love with each other for certain reasons. Remind yourself of those reasons and see the good in the little things that bring positivity to your life together. Appreciate and compliment the qualities you admire in your partner, and the actions he or she takes. Compliments are seeds of appreciation that nurture your relationship and make your love grow.

CUDDLE OFTEN Cuddling and touch create intimacy. Cuddling on the couch, holding hands, tickling or caressing each other, or going to bed at the same time even if you get up after your partner falls asleep are a few of the ways you can physically connect with each other. Touch releases oxytocin, known as the bonding hormone, which stimulates the release of other feel-good hormones, such as dopamine and serotonin. These actions deepen your emotional bond to each other.

LEAVE LOVE NOTES Surprise your partner with notes of love and caring. A note in a pocket, pocketbook or lunch bag, an unexpected text message, a message on the mirror after you shower are all small things you can do that can bring a smile to his or her face, and make your partner feel loved and appreciated.

CREATE RITUALS AND ANCHORS Positive rituals create anchors which reinforce the love you have for each other. Kissing each other when you leave, come home or say goodnight let your partner know he or she is important to you. Planning a date night each week or celebrating birthdays and anniversaries in a special way show that you value each other and the relationship. They also generate excitement and give you something to look forward to.

PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING Active listening is listening to one another to understand, not to respond. Show interest in the conversation without rushing to add a comment. Ask questions to gain a deeper understanding and reflect on what is being said before you respond.  Be present to each conversation. If you’re watching TV, pause or turn it off while you talk. We have 2 ears and 1 mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak.

PRACTICE FORGIVENESS We all make mistakes; we all do and say things we wish we hadn’t. Don’t define your relationship by a mistake. Forgive others as you would want them to forgive you. Be patient with each other and provide a space for communication to be open, honest and forgiving. Never blame or shame; find a way to express yourself that does not tear another down but instead lifts each other up.

LOOK FOR JOY. What you focus on will multiply in your life. Look for the joy in the ordinary every day moments. When you focus on those things that bring you joy, the universe will send you even more.

LAUGH Laughter is the best medicine! Laugh often and laugh out loud together. It is good for your body, mind, soul and your relationship. Bring laughter into your relationship and you’ll both feel better.

VALUE YOUR RELATIONSHIP OVER YOUR RULES We all have rules we live by, sometimes we may not even be aware of them until someone doesn’t follow them. Take a look at your rules, honor your partner’s rules and consider how you might adjust them to value your relationship over your rules when necessary. Actress Eva Gabor quipped, “Love is a game that two can play and both can win.”

Making a commitment to sharing your life with another can sometimes seem like an impossible task but the rewards can be immeasurable. There is no magic formula to keep love alive, but an unlimited number of secrets that work, so find the magic that works for you.

Judy Luca is a life coach, Reiki Master and author with over 30 adult and children’s books to her name, inspiring people from around the world. Visit her website:

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