Dear Louise: September 2001
Louise L. Hay is a metaphysical teacher and the bestselling author of 27 books, including You Can Heal Your Life, Empowering Women, and Letters to Louise. Since beginning her career as a Science of Mind minister in 1981, she has assisted thousands of people in discovering and using the full potential of their own creative powers for personal growth and self-healing. Louise's works have been translated into 25 different languages in 33 countries throughout the world.
First of all, I'd like to deeply thank you for the work you've done so far and for continuing to help people in so many different ways. Reading your books and listening to your tapes over the past four years has helped me progress immensely and move through a lot of pain into my current happiness. Indeed, so much healing has happened, and many areas of my life are wonderful now, but despite all my work, there's a part of me that's terrified of being single and without a family. I've been single for a while now, and in spite of my great efforts to feel complete and be complete, I'm still aching over this lack. I'm somewhat afraid that it might always be like this, and at times I feel jealous that other people are enjoying relationships. On top of this, I'm feeling that somehow I'm doing things wrong because by now, I "should" have been over these things and feel perfectly complete and happy on my own! How is this possible? I'm 28 years old. Your words are greatly appreciated, as always. —A.V., Vancouver, B.C.
Thank you for your kind words. Doesn't it feel good to clean the garbage out? You've done very well, now let's do more. You can't attract a loving relationship into your life by being needy, jealous, fearful, and resentful. You wouldn't want the kind of person those thoughts would bring to you. The only thing you're doing "wrong" is holding thoughts of lack and fear. Begin to think thoughts of joy, love, and gratitude in every moment. There's no "time-out" here. Get out your mental scrubbing brush and get to work. You have more mental garbage to clean out. Love every moment of your life and every experience you have no matter how small. Let the past go. Be joyful now!
Affirm: I am enjoying every moment of my life and I attract love everywhere I go. I am safe.
I'm a Russian woman living here in California, and I love your books. My parents and my brother still live in Russia. After my brother lost his family and his job, my parents started paying for his apartment, food, and telephone. They're old and quite depressed over this situation. They blame their son for making their life miserable, and they blame me for moving to the U.S. I can't leave my children and husband here, and I can't move them here. I call and send them money to help, but every time I call them, they complain about how hard their life is. Our family was always very successful, and now my parents can't take this situation. I love them and I feel sorry for them, but I tell them that life is not only about your children. Deep inside my heart, I know that if something bad happens to my parents, I won't forgive myself. How can I help them more? And how can I help myself? — W.I., Lodi, CA
I feel for your parents. I know they've gone through many hardships over the years in Russia. However, we both know that playing the victim role doesn't create positive changes. And your first responsibility is maintaining a joyful, loving atmosphere for your husband and children.
You're not accountable for what other people choose to think on the other side of the world. You're answerable for how you choose to think about the situation. Choosing to feel guilty about something you have no control over is just a waste of mental energy. On the physical level, you're doing what you can. On the mental level, you can wipe out every negative thought you hold about them. The Universe cannot create a better life for your parents if everybody is thinking negative thoughts.
Affirm many, many times a day: Each member of my family is healthy, happy, whole and at peace. Then watch and see how the universe works this out.
I desperately need some spiritually grounded guidance. I've been separated from my husband for over a year and have three young children. My husband is an alcoholic who has been in and out of AA for ten years. We initially went to marriage counseling, and he refused to cooperate. I finally packed my car, took the kids, and never went back. Now my husband has found "God" in a Southern Baptist Church, has decided he never wanted a divorce, knows with God's help he can change, and that it's "God's will" that we reconcile. Should I go back to him? Our children want us to be together. I feel so confused and guilty. —L.K., Dallas, TX
He is the alcoholic and you are feeling guilty? Yes, you're confused. If your husband is truly serious, then let him prove himself first. Talk is big, but deeds are what count. Let him do the changing first and stay changed for at least a year; then you could possibly reconsider. Don't give in to pressure. Tell him to ask God to give him patience while he proves himself. In the meantime, immediately get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting. You need help from people who truly understand your situation. Your young children cannot make decisions for you. You are the adult, and you must make adult decisions based on what is best for you and for them. You can't go back to living in fear as you used to. Al-Anon will give you strength.
Affirm: The universe supports me and my children in living a safe and peaceful life!
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