Who Are You?
As soon as we are conceived, we begin to form ideas about who we are and what this world is like. The dictionary defines “to conceive” as follows: “to become pregnant with or to form or develop in the mind.”
At the time of conception we are doing just that: forming or developing within our minds. It is at that time that we begin to experience fear as our egos start to develop and identify with the world into which we are born. We make assumptions based on our limited experience of what we can feel through vibrations of what is happening in our lives at that time.
We make these decisions when we are in the uterus, at the time of our birth, and all through the formative years. We create many beliefs and assumptions about our relationship to the world and the people in it and also begin to face limitations that become imposed upon us. We begin to forget where we came from and identify with the world around us, thinking this is reality and this is all there is. Over time we completely identify with this world, believing we are bodies limited by time and space. Our actual foray into this life becomes a faded memory in our minds. We get lost in what is like a dream, and begin to experience it as reality.
Despite the fact we have no conscious memory of these decisions and assumptions, nor of these chronic ideas and thoughts which get played out over and over again throughout our lives, we continue to project them onto the world, our bodies, and our relationships. Earlier life experiences are difficult to remember, yet they have profound effects. Whatever seems to be happening from our perception is a reflection of the beliefs we are holding within our own minds. Our self-image is always a projection onto the world around us and we experience exactly what we believe.
They Wanted A Boy
Before Sara* was born, her parents desperately wanted a boy. It was so important to them for many reasons. Upon her birth, Sara could feel their disappointment. She could also feel her sibling’s reaction to her, which was based on their parents’ disappointment. She could feel the energetic vibration of their emotions and words, and her sense was a feeling that something was wrong with her. She was not perfect.
She went through life unconsciously creating situations that would prove this. She would personalize mistakes, life events, and relationship changes as her fault, feeling she was flawed. This idea played out in her work environment, personal relationships, and other life situations. Her conversations were filled with stories of her faults. She saw and experienced her own failures everywhere. As she projected these thoughts onto her body, she created many physical illnesses that also seemed to support her theory. She framed every story of her illness, no matter how mild or severe, to confirm her belief. It was a constant nagging feeling that was so familiar, yet it was too difficult to see it.
Sara was unaware of the damage she was inflicting on herself, a script she had created very early in life. Her emotional grief and depression were debilitating and her self-confidence low. Although she studied A Course in Miracles and gained an intellectual understanding of the real truth of who she was as a child of God, perfectly healed and whole, she was not able to sustain this truth in her daily life. The majority of the time she was lost in the false identity she had created so long ago. Years of talking and alternative therapies gave short term relief to a problem that was not completely understood because a deeper spiritual understanding of what was happening in her life had never been considered.
Life in the Shadows
When Elizabeth* was conceived by her unwed mother and a married public official, she learned early on to hide her existence and to fear the world. These beliefs began to form as she could feel her mother’s need to hide her pregnancy from everyone, especially the angry father who wanted her annihilated by abortion. Her mother felt lost, confused, and embarrassed by the fact she was pregnant and did not have the support of the birth father, her family, or her friends. All of this Elizabeth could feel. Even before Elizabeth’s birth, these experiences set the stage for a whole story about what life was like here on this Earth. Elizabeth would play out this life script and soon it became her identity, or false identity.
Because of this, she went through life always being in the shadows, speaking very softly, not comfortable being seen, and fearing authority. Elizabeth was always the person in the background who went unnoticed. She felt powerless, unimportant, and guilty. There were times when finding a job was difficult. She developed a fear of men and never dated. Despite all her efforts, every attempt to become successful failed. She worked hard and accomplished many wonderful things, but was never recognized or compensated for her efforts, which continued her life’s course of invisibility and rejection.
The ideas that Sara and Elizabeth formed about themselves were preverbal. As with most of us, they also formed many other ideas early in their lives that were almost impossible to remember, but powerful enough to form a concept of whom they believed they were. We always experience exactly what we believe about ourselves. Consequently, we produce experiences to prove the validity of our poor self-image or invisibility or other personal beliefs.
At times it is possible to notice patterns and themes we project onto the world as we see it. Self-reflection, trusted friends, professional counselors, healing practitioners and spiritual teachers are some of ways these insights might reveal themselves. Eventually, the false story or belief can be exposed, perhaps even pinpointed to the exact moment of experience when the false belief was adopted, and then disintegrate into the light of this revelation. Quite often, profound physical, emotional and spiritual life changes are triggered by the release of such deeply held beliefs about the self and new beliefs created. Like our prebirth identities, these changes travel to the core of our being on vibrational levels, empowering the individual to make lasting life change, or what some might call a miracle.
There is a whole other spiritual story beneath our version of life. We are all beautiful spiritual beings with unlimited potential, connected to one another through every action we take, every thought we have, every word we speak, every cell in our bodies. By allowing our false identities to fall away, we are able to remember who we truly are and live a more peaceful, loving, and joyful life. Every vibration radiated by each one of us contributes to the vibration changes of our planet and the universe. “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.”
*Permission to share stories has been granted.
Fran Spayne, M.A. is a spiritual psychotherapist and a spiritual life coach who incorporates the teachings of A Course In Miracles into her work. As an experienced psychological intuit and medium she has the ability to see into the past and read the energy and emotions associated with old beliefs to assist in their release. Please contact her at 617-747-4453 or visit http://www.MiracleWork.org